How Many Light-bulbs Does it Take to Screw in a Marik?
by RayneInShadow
Summary: Approaching the metal box, he let out another cackle. Such a brilliant plan! Dumping a bottle of oil in the locker, he threw the matches in (why…?) and backed up. A sadistic look came over his face. Holding the flamethrower level, he let the fire out! K for Bakura, why else?


Hello, m'dears! It's been quite a while since I've written. It's rather difficult to find inspiration when school is lurking right around the corner. Even though that has been a writer's block for me, I'm going to attempt a one-shot in the hopes of gaining inspiration for writing or even drawing. Also, I'll be referring to Yami Marik as Malik, m'kay? The title really has nothing to do with the story… It's all I could come up with that sounded remotely interesting… And so, without further ado, here it is!

"How Many Lightbulbs Does it Take to Screw in a Marik?"

"Oh, Bakuraaa!" Said fluffy-haired yami sighed. Marik had been bugging him all day to help him convince Malik to let him have a kitten. "Go away, Marik. I don't want to take part in any of your pointless plans. I have other things to do." Other things… He mentally went through his to-do list.

Steal candy from screaming children.

Steal an ant farm from a science fair and smash it in the produce aisle of the market.

Swipe wallets and jewelry from unaware citizens.

Attempt to burn down Ryou's school.

He smirked upon remembering the last time he'd attempted anything on his list. Catching Ryou's locker on fire had been _very _fun.

-Flashback-

Bakura snickered evilly. It had been all too easy to steal a few boxes of matches from the local drug store. As he continued to languidly stroll to his next destination (the weapons store – _why _was one of these even built in Domino City?!), he thought of ways he could cleverly execute his plan.

-10 minutes later-

Bakura cackled madly as the poor clerk cowered in fear. "Mine! All mineee!" He tightly held the flame thrower to his chest. 'Now,' he thought, 'off to destroy Ryou's social life… once again!' And so he made his way toward his hikari's school.

Bakura, of course, never did anything the easy way. Instead of outright walking into the school through the front doors, he decided to climb fire-escapes, crawl through air vents, and scale rooftops, _just _to get to Ryou's locker. How did he know which locker was kitty's? He just did. He was Bakura, and Bakura was always right _because _he was Bakura.

Approaching the metal box, he let out another cackle. Such a brilliant plan! Dumping a bottle of oil in the locker, he threw the matches in (why…?) and backed up. A sadistic look came over his face. Holding the flamethrower level, he let the fire out!

_UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH_! An alarm sounded as smoke floated up to the ceiling of the school. Doors opened and students, in a frantic frenzy, ran out of classrooms and attempted to avoid the pyromaniac. Ryou rushed out of the classroom and began to cry. The first thing he spotted was Bakura, holding the flaming device and cackling evilly. He dropped to his knees and wailed. "Why me?! Why have I been cursed with this idiot? WHYYY?!" Atem came running down the hall from his class with a fire extinguisher. He pulled the pin and began to move the foaming can back and forth, and in the process, managed to extinguish Ryou's yami as well.

Sirens wailed outside of the building. Bakura smirked in triumph. He'd _definitely _managed to crush his kitty's life. "HAAAAHAAAAHAAAAH!"

A few hours later, the yami was out of jail and hikari Bakura was asleep. Well, at least until his yami caused more destruction. CRASH! Ryou moaned into his pillow. 'Why?'

And here ends my failed one-shot. I really just needed to try to write anything, really. I hope it was somewhat decent! R&R to let me know what you thought of it!

Me: Poor Ryou… He doesn't deserve this…

Bakura: Shut up, moronic moron. My ways are brilliant! I am a god! My stupid kitty deserves all of this, just because he's a creampuff and I'm Bakura!

Me: o,O Okay…

:3 RayneInShadow :3


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